To Be Or Not To Be

To Be Or Not To Be; An intro to my Transgender life.          

Hello! I guess the first thing I should do as a new blogger is introduce myself. My name is Kate and I'm a trans girl in and I'm mostly blogging as a way to manage stress of high school. Tonight's post is about whether or not I should be me in an environment in which I'm the only trans girl in the school, if not the whole town. I'm out of the closet, so that is out of the way, but actually being myself is a whole new story. There is a caste system here and it kind of goes like this: Sporty, Nerdy, Average Student, LGBT kids. There are a few exceptions to the rule though. If you're sporty and nerdy, you may as well be royalty, and what you say goes in this type of environment. Recently I've been trying to do my best to just dress as me as I can be, and I've set a goal to wear an outfit that makes me feel happy by the end of October. I've settled with hoodies and sweats mostly, since they're relatively neutral, and I don't have to stand out in particular. I've made up this game for myself where I ask people on the internet to pick a number 1-10, and I wear an outfit corresponding to that number they decided. I know that you're just an imaginary reader as of now, but I hope you find my boring depiction of life to be helpful or entertaining.

There is this way people are positioned that kind of follows a pattern. During free time such as lunch or break or passing periods, groups assemble in the same areas by where they fall in the caste system. There is where my friends are, in the center of the Gay House. I call it that because all the buildings pointing into the quad have a straight face, but the Gay House is the only curved building on campus. The groups aligned by the Gay House have low amounts of people in them, we assemble there for just that purpose. Less people to have their opinions. The next group is the popular kids in the area between the gym building and the Gay House. If you know what's good for you, you do not go through there. I'll call this section the Pit, since going through there as an LGBT kid takes serious survival skills. The next group is a group of mostly LGBT kids who set up on the outside of the cafeteria. Most of them show little signs of wanting to converse with anyone but each other. Lots of them wear tails and ears and the such. For such reasons, they're the Furries. Across the quad from the Furries is a group of people who sit along the walls of our science building, they have groups of 2-4 and rarely are seen in the same place twice. This place is for most people who don't belong to another clique so the hang out with those that agree with their views, so they're the Politicals. And thus on the very far side across from the Gay House, there is the colorful groups of people who walk around between areas during the day. They don't get a name.

To maneuver between all these groups without being noticed means I need a fully detailed map and agenda of where I'm going. I've practiced all my dodges and ducks and weaves and strategies to get out of having a conversation that I have ever seen on the internet. Frankly, I can't believe I've made it 3 weeks with only minimal harassment. I know that the school banned phones and headphones so I can NOT listen to music to avoid people and their opinions, but I will prolly develop other means of survival in areas like the Pit, however I could use some advice. I guess the question is do I become fully myself and just be happy, or do I be safe and risk my happiness for someone else's opinions of myself so I don't live in fear.  If anyone sees this post before October is over, and wants to take a risk with me, please let me know. I take any messages either here or by Instagram at k8_spam.0